by Lola Buncher
Today, Bard was burdened with the presence of eccentric billionaire and renowned collector Sir Barnabas Upperton III, who, after a day of conniving, found himself in Bard’s very own Down the Road Cafe. It was here that, to Sir Barnabas’ contentment, he first laid eyes on his conquests— two humble retired DTR kiosks collecting dust in the corner of DTR’s eatery.
After a failed career, these kiosks led a simple life. They never had much but each other in this mad world. Upperton was instantly enthralled. “What divine creations I spy before me,” he said. “One can only imagine the twisted inner turmoils of their original inventor.” He went on to say, “They will be the crux of the biscuit in my princely antiques room. I must have them!”
At this point, Sir Barnabas had caught the attention of several casual DTR patrons, who now watched with curiosity. He grabbed one of the kiosks in his arms and pulled it from its brother. Their little robot fingers grasped for one another as they wept; electronic tears streamed down their touchscreen faces. “Oh, how winsome!” Sir Barnabas exclaimed. “They appear to be in love! What a shame I only have room for one on my ship!”
Even with brotherly love on their side, the small robot fingers were no match for Upperton’s robust biceps. As he pulled them apart, their screams became all the more desperate. “Papa! Nooooo!” sobbed the little kiosk to the dormant television screen above them. Upperton showed no mercy. As he dragged the kiosks apart, they each held up one half of a heart-shaped DTR pendant as they called out mournfully to each other. It was over. Sir Barnabas Upperton III now boarded his ship with his newfound anomaly. The DTR patrons went back to their quesadillas. The lone kiosk cried out for his brother one last time, “Fear not, brother! I will always be right...DOWN..THE..ROAD...”