By Lola Buncher
Spring Fling: the weekend the DTR staff fears most. 72 straight hours of drunkards demanding chicken tenders. The lines grow long, the crowds restless, making it a weekend of torment and horror for the staff. Chartwells administrators have tried everything from SWAT training to emergency bunkers. The emergency bunkers did nothing but leave the grill unmanned and vulnerable against attack; the SWAT training merely led to a line of severely injured, yet still very hungry, students. Nothing yet has prevailed over the starving student body, but rumor has it that things might be different this year. According to an anonymous tip, the DTR staff will be taking matters into their own hands this year by bringing forth The Chosen One.
Years ago, The Chosen One joined the DTR team, and he soon became known to be a man so swift and powerful that no line could form before him. His name was Terrence, and it was rumored that he could make a quesadilla in under a minute. The other staff members were bewildered by his supernatural abilities, they instantly knew that he was their only chance of survival from the harsh Spring Fling weekend. They kept Terrence in a fifty-year cryogenic state next to the chicken tenders in the DTR freezer in the hopes that that one day, when they need him most, he may bring triumph upon his fellow staff. According to legend, this will be the year that Terrence finally reawakens. He is not the DTR hero we deserve, but the DTR hero we need.