By Nathanael Matos
Late last night, local fourth-grader Kevin Rodgers was disheartened to learn that his “Super -Awesome-Ten-Year-Funtime-Spectacular” would be canceled. This tragic news was broken to him by his parents, Eric and Stacey Rodgers of Red Hook, who were equally saddened. “We’ve been planning this party with Kevin for the last three months,” Mrs. Rodgers told the Bardvark. “We’re all very shaken up by this turn of events. The party was sure to make Kevin the most popular kid in school. I just don’t know what we’ll do now.”
This unfortunate cancellation stems from a scheduling conflict on the part of the Big Bounce Corporation (BBC), a Germantown-based rental center for all things bouncy; their website boasts an unparalleled catalog of balls, castles, slides, houses, and other inflatable baubles. The BBC accidentally double-booked their flagship bouncy castles for the weekend of May 4th, offering it to both the Rodgers party and the coordinators for Bard College’s Spring Fling. After a brief but ferocious debate, it was announced that Bard, having called “dibs” first, had been granted custody of the castles for the weekend. Said a BBC spokesperson: “This kind of situations happens all the time. We at the BBC always operate on the who called “dibs” first? principle. We’ve found that it’s the best practice. If customers choose to share a BBC product, that’s between them. But “dibs” always prevails.”
Young Kevin was not satisfied with the outcome. “Whilst I understand the BBC’s policy, I cannot help but feel that they are wholly responsible for this predicament,” he said. “After all, it is their duty as a business to provide a service to its patrons––certain standards are expected. However, the service provided by the BBC was unsatisfactory and their attempt at redress is a farce!”
To compensate the Rodgers family for their troubles, the BBC has suggested that they move their appointment to a later week; they also offered the use of any other bouncy wares at no additional cost. Kevin has not been swayed. “Celebrating the day of my birth a week late would be simply ghastly. It would shatter my credibility as a young gentleman. The use of the bouncy castle was paramount to our plans. Without it, the ‘Super-Awesome-10-Year-Funtime-Spectacular’ simply won’t work. Besides, what do college students need a bouncy castle for anyway?”
Bard College’s Spring Fling 2019 will be held this weekend. Regardless of what shenanigans take place in Annandale, one thing is for sure: this 10-year-old’s birthday party will forever be marred by a regrettable misunderstanding.