By Brian Watko
Growing up in the early 2000s, I loved those Trix cereal advertisements. They had it all: an amazing product, a wacky mascot, and a truly iconic tagline. Well, Trix may be for kids, but the rabies I got from this rabbit sure isn’t!
Trix comes in six absolutely delectable flavors: Raspberry red, Lemony yellow, Orangey orange, Wildberry blue, Grapity purple, and Watermelon. Pretty neat! Initial signs of rabies may include: headache, fatigue, nausea, sore throat, anxiety, and difficulty sleeping. Not so neat! In fact, quite disconcerting!
Did you know that Trix cereal is made from whole grain and fortified with 12 vitamins and minerals? It’s no wonder children of all ages start the morning with a delicious bowl of Trix. Someday soon I will slip into a rabies-induced coma. That means no more Trix for breakfast. Parents, take note: this is definitely not a disease for the young ‘uns.
People have asked me if I was bitten by the Trix Rabbit. That would be impossible. He is a cartoon character, blissfully unaware of rabies and its many horrors. He will never know what an irrational fear of water feels like. He will never know the maddening, soul-crushing itchiness I feel where I was bitten by that rabbit in my backyard. Its eyes were black and unfeeling, like a doll’s eyes. I do not know where the rabbit is now. If you are a kid passing through Lambertville, NJ, be on your guard.
There is no known cure for rabies. Once symptoms have started, nothing can be done to stop the progression of the virus. It was hard for me to come to terms with this. I just cannot imagine how a wide-eyed child would take this devastating news.
I’m drooling just thinking about Trix, and also because rabies causes excessive salivation. If this horrible, horrible virus didn’t make it impossible for me to swallow, I’d help myself to a heaping bowl of Trix right now. Rabies-free children, how I envy thee.
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