By Nathanael Matos
Things have been heating up here at Bard College, and the Bard Office of Sustainability has noticed a recent spike in water usage across campus. This is to be expected as hot and humid weather causes people to sweat more, and people feel more inclined to take showers as well as drinking water. However, this spike has been larger than proportionally expected, causing the Bard Office of Sustainability to investigate the cause. Their answer arose in a random multiple-choice poll taken by Bard Health and Counseling Services, in which one in every three people described themselves as “inexplicably finding themselves leaving one in every four faucets dripping or otherwise still running.” This has spurred further investigation from both the Bard Office of Sustainability and Bard Health and Counseling Services. The number of patients calling Bard Health and Counseling Services about this issue has increased dramatically in the last two weeks, and neither the Bard Office of Sustainability nor Bard Health and Counseling Services has discovered how this condition has spread. Preliminary suspicions lie in a correlation found between dripping faucets and the number of Naked juice sales at DtR. Bardvark will continue to update this story as more information comes in.
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