By Brigid Pfeifer
At Bard College, students must complete many important requirements in their first year, including The Language and Thinking Program, Citizen Science and First-Year Seminar. However, the school’s most recent addition to the First Year Curriculum has proven to be even more controversial than learning science over the winter intersession. President Bostein has recently announced that by the end of a student’s first year, they must each present a mutilated fox to the office of registrar. When asked for the reasons behind this idea, Botstein claimed, “With class registration during Language and Thinking now taking place online, students may forget when those before them had to brutally compete with one another in order to get their first choice classes. Hunting foxes will prove to members of the faculty that a student is a strong social climber. I don’t mean to be frank but our alumni needs to give us more cash. What are they doing with their lives ?” Naturally, not everyone is happy about this requirement. A student who wishes to remain anonymous tells Bardvark, “Bard College is dedicated to being eco-friendly. I just don’t think it’s best for the environment if foxes go extinct.” Unfortunately for animal lovers, all students must be the ones to kill each fox. Cheating of any kind will result in expulsion without the option to transfer. While some are attempting to take legal action, Bardvark has reported that all attempts thus far have been as successful as the times off-campus students tried to sue their landlords. In other words, lawyers are still sick of Bard students complaining.
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