Mold In Stone Row Becomes Sentient, Eats Student

By Nathanael Matos

Recent reports of black mold sightings in Stone Row have become increasingly frantic, with students giving accounts of the mold growing from a mere spot on a wall to becoming the wall entirely, and now, to becoming full-blown sentient. The mold in question has since asked to be called “Terry” and will only respond to such. Buildings and Grounds has done its best to fight off Terry and prevent its spread across campus. Terry has had several battles with carpenters, plumbers, HVAC, and contractors in the past week, and has now taken three students hostage in an effort to halt the advances of the opposing forces. Buildings and Grounds has set up a perimeter around Stone Row to keep the skirmishes in check. Terry has yet to issue demands, other than requesting a ceasefire. B&G did not acquiesce to the demands until Terry followed through with its threat, consuming one of its hostages. B&G has their elite forward task force on standby to assassinate Terry when an opportunity presents itself. For the moment, Terry and B&G are in a stalemate. Who will win? Keep checking Bardvark for further updates.