Well, it’s almost that time of year again! Time for a whole bunch of Bard freshmen first years to spend 2 cold, sad weeks studying science instead of spending time with their friends, families, loved ones, and pets. Man, CitSci is the WORST, and that’s why we should get rid of it! Cancel CitSci––and soon! I hope you’re reading this, Professor President Botstein! Here’s why CitSci is dumb and why we should make it stop forever.
When I was unjustly torn away from my warm, happy home to this stupid Hudson Valley cold place, I was very sad. Too many Bard people are already sad. Why add more sad? I had to listen to a science person talk about “infectious diseases” and other gross stuff. EWWWWW! I coulda been drinking hot chocolate by a roaring fire. Instead, I had to spend my January learning that Beard Guy’s beard has more germs in it than a toilet seat! Why did I need to know that?!!??!
That winter, my roommate and I watched videos of a sad old man making food in a microwave while sad orchestral music played. We bonded over these videos. They were our only outlet of joy during those cold, sad weeks. Even just thinking about that winter makes me queasy.
Apparently, CitSci isn’t about gross germs and diseases anymore. It’s about WATER. That’s somehow even worse. Water is water, right??? Spare our new, bright-eyed Bard students. Let’s cancel CitSci so no one needs to do this anymore! Get rid of it! Make it stop! NO MORE SCIENCE! NO MORE SCIENCE!
Comments