By Megan Brien
This past Thursday, known idiot Taylor Freeman is reported to have been overheard telling her visibly upset friend that “things will get better.” While the context of this exchange remains unclear, sources confirm that after uttering this patently false and humiliatingly stupid statement, Freeman proceeded to give the aforementioned friend a patronizing rub on the shoulder. “I know things seem hard now, but I'm here to help you through it,” she continued, infuriatingly. “There is always something to work towards.” Multiple witnesses of this remark have recalled its breathtaking inaccuracy, as well as the ineptitude with which it was delivered. “I'm pretty surprised her friend was able to remain civil,” says Zeke Ackler, who was sitting two tables away from the incident when it occurred, “I wouldn’t have.” The receiver of Freeman's bumbling advice is said to have hugged her feeble-minded friend, obviously in an attempt to hide her indignation. Their embrace lasted an unacceptable two and a half minutes. The empty gesture was finally brought to an end when Freeman, profusely apologizing for having to leave, removed a useless piece of chocolate from her bag and handed it over to her friend. As her bribe was begrudgingly unwrapped and consumed, the moronic Freeman is said to have walked away, unaware of the incredible shallowness of her existence.
Comments