By Nathanael Matos
Have you ever walked through Blum and wondered why there’s just a random hall that splits for about three feet, so that there’s an elevated triangle-like shape in the middle? Or why there is a closet door three feet removed from the floor inside the same building? Or why there’s an overhang between the front doors of Blum and Avery that fails at protecting bystanders from the rain? How many times have you been asked why the Toasters are called ‘Toasters’? Well, according to an anonymous source, the initial blueprints for all of these buildings, and more, show a more conventional design aesthetic. This source also states that these designs were rejected for being too “visually unstimulating” and that the buildings should also be able to serve as “conversation pieces” to “incite intellectual and artistic discourse about the buildings that motivate artistic creativity.” This plan has surely worked.
Anytime a ‘Toaster’ is referenced to a non-Bardian, the same question is asked, “Why is it called a toaster?” The answer, which has been drilled into the brains of all Bard students as part of orientation, “Because it looks like a toaster.” When the motif of a toaster was first proposed for the South Campus residencies, our source says that it was accompanied with a handwritten note that said “Because who would want to design a house after a toaster?” The list of redesigned buildings is extensive, including the likes of the Reem-Kayden Center, the Fisher Center, and Resnick C.
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