By Nathanael Matos
Much to the excitement of campus administrators, the pagan ritual held last Saturday night underneath Stone Row was successful, managing to call the spirit of the legendary Bard College alumnus, Hannah Arendt, back into the corporeal realm. The ritual was practiced by several College officials including, but not limited to: head of security Ken Cooper, College President Leon Botstein, campus Chaplain Mary Grace Williams, and that one Freshman who was way too excited to start Language and Thinking. Details on the ritual are sparse, but sources have confirmed that it included a ouija board, a human sacrifice of one of the four people who failed L&T last year (they were kept locked up and well-fed in a cave underneath the soccer field), and a ten gallon drum of fresh dolphin milk. Upon the ritual’s completion, actor Dan Aykroyd trapped Hannah Arendt’s ethereal physique after being zapped by a Proton Stream. She reluctantly agreed to give a special speech from beyond the grave to the incoming Freshman for this year’s Language and Thinking Program about mortality and the political landscape of the Afterlife.
Attendance is mandatory; the event will be occuring in the Fisher Center for the Performing Arts this Friday evening.
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