By Nathanael Matos
Late Tuesday night, a young woman in Obreshkove was grieved to discover that there was a second spider in the corner above the common room couch as opposed to the singular one that was present the night before. After pointing the monstrosities out to a fellow dorm-mate, who opposed to mercilessly slaying the creatures without a proper reason, the girl replied that they were going to procreate. Her claim was dismissed. However, after further researching the subject of spider copulation, she further dismayed to find that many spiders choose to have premarital coitus. Seeing this as an offense to nature and the laws of the Universe, she has since started a movement calling for “arachnid celibacy until marriage happens between a male and a female, like it should be” she explained in an interview with the Bardvark yesterday afternoon. The movement has gained three followers since beginning and looks to continue gaining traction. The Bardvark promises to continue following this story as it develops.
Sources have confirmed that Jacob the Spider and David the Spider are continuing to make sweet, sweet premarital love in their corner of Obreshkove.
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