By Megan Brien and Jackson Spargur
Spring Fling is in full swing at Bard College, but according to our sources under the tent, the actions of President Leon Botstein are putting a serious damper on the otherwise stellar festivities.
As Spring Fling headliner CupcakKe took to the stage on Friday night, reports concerning the nefarious actions of Bard’s own President began to flood in. “He’s coming on like fucking Donkey Kong,” said sophomore Jeremy Hinks. “I swear, it’s madness. He’s gotta cool down.”
Several reports indicate that for at least an hour now, Botstein has been “all over” a clearly uncomfortable John Faso, the former State Representative of New York. “He’s been grinding up on Faso all night long. Guy needs to take a hint,” continued Jeremy as he took a swig from a muddied plastic water bottle.
Other students have taken this display of inappropriate behavior as an opportunity to express concern for the former congressman. Freshman Tilly Bentham, who is experiencing her first ever night under the Spring Fling tent, was shocked by her President’s conduct. “I don’t agree with Faso’s policies––honestly, I kind of hate the guy––but still, there’s a line. And Botstein is river dancing all over it.”
“I came here to have a good time,” said former congressman Faso, sipping from a red Solo cup. “I just want to dance with my girlfriends and forget the world for a minute. Is that too much to ask?”
At press time, Botstein was said to be crying alone in the Campus Center bathrooms.