By Audrey Russell
Civilians watched in horror this morning as BRAD announced on national television that they had taken Saudi Arabia by storm to drain it of life, resources, and joy. BRAD began innocently enough as an eclectic troupe of students writing jokes for the Bard community, but Bardians’ laughs turned to stunned, hopeless silence last semester as the club brutally overthrew the peer review board mere moments after learning of its existence. Since then, they’ve been on a campuswide imperial rampage and have seized the Tewksbury basement, the Health & Wellness Center, and the entirety of the first floor of Montgomery Place, all with an animalistic violence that would have made Columbus look like a spineless cur. As BRAD gained momentum, cowering experts speculated that their conquest would continue to Tivoli or perhaps even the rest of the Montgomery estate. Shocking the nation, the group previously known for its long-form musical improv instead decided to take on the oil industry with tempestuous force, stationing troops throughout the Middle Eastern powerhouse with blatant disregard for Sharia law and making their way directly to the House of Saud to cause mischief and mayhem. Experts, still cowering, predict devastating wars over land, oil, and the Old Gym.