By Megan Brien
After a recent act of vandalism on Bard College’s north campus left a large, Kool-Aid Man-shaped hole in the side of Old Robbins, workers at Building and Grounds were left scrambling for quick solutions. “Parents’ weekend is coming up real soon, and we still haven’t made much progress,” commented one worker as he attempted to nail a board over one of the leg-shaped areas of the hole.
The incident itself occurred earlier in October, when it was reported that the notoriously destructive Kool-Aid Man crashed through a streetside wall of Old Robbins. Junior Stephanie LaDower recalls witnessing the event, “I was walking back to Robbins from Kline when I saw him running past Health Services. He was so red and so angry, just like I always thought he’d be. Right before he rammed through the wall, he screamed ‘OH YEAH’ so loud, a few dorm windows broke.” Red Hook Police were unable to detain the alleged saboteur, though traces of red Kool-Aid were found at the scene of the crime. The Kool-Aid Man is believed to still be at large.
Since then, Bard officials have been panic-stricken trying to find ways to conceal the damage. “I just know that some of the parents will find this problematic,” remarked Deirdre d’Albertis, Dean of Bard College, “we wouldn’t want them to think this sort of thing happens all the time.” Various techniques were employed to quickly repair the wall, including concrete pouring, sheet hanging, and Jello setting. All to no avail.
When parents’ weekend finally arrived, sources attest that many parents were told that the hole was an intricate Halloween decoration. It is unclear as of yet whether the majority of parents believed this explanation. Bardvark will continue following the story as it develops.
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