By Nathanael Matos
Last Thursday, at roughly 3:18 in the morning, the residents of Tewksbury and the Toasters were awoken from their peaceful slumbers as an enormous Mesoamerican pyramid surfaced from the Earth. The monolithic ziggurat stands in the South Campus lawn, and upon its summit an Aztec priest wielding a ceremonial dagger. That same day at noon, the priest performed a ritual sacrifice to the Aztec sun god, Huitzilopochtli, by cutting the heart out of a “willing” participant and pushing the body down the side of the pyramid where it landed at the feet of the crowd of onlookers below. The priest has since been issued a fine for littering.
Yesterday afternoon, it was announced that he had also been hired by the College to teach a course in the Spring semester on “Living Like the Aztecs”. The course would teach students about the fundamentals of Mesoamerican lifestyle and would require them to live in the woods behind Blithewood, hunt for and grow their own food, and help participate in culturally significant ceremonies like the soon-to-be-staple monthly sacrifice of students kidnapped from Vassar. The course would be four credits and could fulfill your Foreign Language, Historical Analysis, or Meaning, Being and Value, distribution requirements. The Aztec priest, Professor Toltecatl will have his office within the ziggurat. More information about the class will be released as the Spring semester gets closer.
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