By Annie Dodson (with help from Perrine Cummings)
Hi, Mom. I’m having a really passable time at Bard College. I’m meeting lots of new, interesting people. I would love to be friends with some of them one day! I know you said that I shouldn’t expect any big Christmas presents this year, what with me being out of the house and all, but I was wondering if you might make an exception. Mom, would you consider getting me a subscription to Moodle Premium for Christmas?
I know what you’re thinking. As soon as I explain to you what Moodle actually is, you’ll ask me why anyone would need to pay money for that. But if my carefully constructed pitch goes as planned, you’ll be rushing to sign up for the family plan. The new features on Moodle Premium are definitely worth the $19.99 per month. As soon as a user completes the first payment and presses the “subscribe” button, many flashy and addictive features are added to their homepage. Pretty neat, huh?
Users now have the option of changing the harsh white background to a more soothing black, a feature called “night mode.” New reports indicate that over ninety percent of Premium users utilize night mode, potentially due to the fact that over ninety percent of users do the majority of their Moodle work past 1 AM.
Moodle Premium has emojis!
Moodle has hopped on board the trendy bandwagon of live streaming. Students are able to stream video of themselves for other users to watch, a feature called MoodleCast. The academic benefits of MoodleCast are boundless— students can now watch their peers do their homework in real time. Friendly competition just got friendlier.
Students can now put filters on their posts. Professors will definitely grade a paper higher if it has a puppy’s face around it.
But I think the biggest selling point of Moodle Premium is the following feature. Users can “follow” their peers, gaining access to their discussion posts in classes the follower may not be in. User’s Moodle Stream will be full of posts by the peers they follow. They can like, comment, and repost other people’s original ideas with a feature called “piggybacking.”
Once a student gets on the Dean’s list, they become “verified” on Moodle Premium. A little red check mark appears next to their name to prove that they are, in fact, incredibly smart. The verified status is highly desirable. Once a user gains the check mark, they get the ability to delay their deadlines by 6 hours— students are motivated to get good grades and do their homework late now more than ever!
All of these new features are exciting and trendy, and the future of Moodle looks bright. The possibilities are endless— rumors of Moodle-famous influencers are going around, and talk of sponsorships, brand deals, and even Moodle’s own form of Bitcoin are heard throughout campus. Think of it as an investment, Mom––you’ll actually be earning more money by subscribing! The big question on everyone’s mind: who will be the Jake Paul of Moodle?
I hope this changed your mind, Mom. I love you. Please pick me up at the Newark train station on the 17th.
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