By Brian Watko
In a shocking upset for cinephiles everywhere, sophomore Jude Bainbridge announced his retirement from narrative filmmaking earlier this morning. This tragic news follows reports that absolutely no one showed up to audition for (re)wind, Bainbridge’s self-penned indie dramedy about an introspective young man who can only remember his girlfriend’s face if he films her.
“Jude showed me the screenplay a few weeks ago,” said Eliza Hinzelmann, an acquaintance of Bainbridge’s who responded “interested” to his audition event. “Just your run-of-the-mill Charlie Kauffman rip-off. Still, I hope he’s not taking it too badly. He just needs a little more practice writing, and maybe some networking skills.”
Casual bystanders told the Bardvark that Bainbridge burst out of the empty audition space in the Ottaway Film Center with an unhinged look in his eyes, screaming about how he was no longer subservient to the petty whims of plot and character. “I won’t need to have a crew!” he roared triumphantly. “I won’t need any actors! Nature will be my performer; my shaky right arm will be my steadicam! I am free! Free, I say!”
Even in the short time following his official pivot to non-narrative filmmaking, Jude Bainbridge has made some shocking changes in his personal life. Bainbridge has reportedly taken to carrying a copy of John Berger’s Ways of Seeing wherever he goes; his Facebook banner picture, previously a behind-the-scenes photo from the set of Moonrise Kingdom, has been replaced with a still from Maya Deren’s Meshes of the Afternoon.
“I kind of hate him now,” said Thomas Kelly, a fellow film student and Bainbridge’s erstwhile best friend. “He won’t stop using ‘kino’ as a synonym for ‘film.’ And he keeps insisting that he and Adolfas Meekas would’ve been really good friends—he says, ‘We’re both disciples of St. Tula.’ What does that even mean?”
At press time, Bainbridge was spotted watching Shazam! alone in his darkened dorm room, tears streaming down his face.
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