by Lola Buncher
If you’ve noticed (on your frequent trips to her grave) the empty gaping hole where the late philosopher Hannah Arendt was once buried, that is because her bones are now soaking in the bathtub of Edna and Matthew Brocke, her last surviving relatives. Strapped for cash, the Brockes took it upon themselves to start selling Arendt’s bathwater to her army of insatiable fans. “We knew they would pay good money for anything with Hannah’s DNA in it,” said Edna as she sipped a cup of tea, a mischievous gleam in her eye.
Mr. and Mrs. Brocke have been cultivating an online presence in the past few months, focusing specifically on the gamer community to increase their sales. “You might not know it, but a lot of Fortnite boys are really into casual neoliberalism,” Matthew told us. Arendt’s descendents logged onto Twitch this afternoon to announce an upcoming sale on “her” new line of merchandise, including a special bathwater that was “bottled while she was playing in the bath for all you THIRSTY boys ^_^”. This Arendt broth will be available for purchase for only $40 an ounce.
We spoke to one satisfied customer (who wishes to remain anonymous) who told us, “Yeah, this wasn’t really what I expected when I bought Hannie’s bathwater… it was milky brown and had a thick, chunky texture like that of a stew. But that didn’t stop me from surreptitiously mixing droplets of it into my girlfriend’s food.”
Mr. and Mrs. Brocke have asked us to remind you that this smart lady bone stew–I mean, bathwater–is selling out fast! Get yours now, while supplies (and Hannah’s bones) still last!
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