A Message from The Office of Financial Aid
We’ve been having an incredibly difficult time in the Financial Aid Office. We’ve been in communication Student Accounts, the Office of the Registrar, Resident Life and Housing, and the deans. No matter who we ask or what we do, we keep drawing the same conclusion: we have no more pens. Consequently, every student at Bard College will be required to pay an additional $3500 to reimburse us for the pens they will inevitably steal over the course of this academic year.
An overwhelming student response hit us this summer amidst rumors of The Stolen Pen Fee: “How could you run out of pens? Pens are everywhere!” One raucous student claimed to have seen President Botstein with a custom silver container holding over a hundred pens; the student opted to use a mechanical pencil disguised as a baton.
We’ve heard your concerns, and we understand. It would appear that we have an abundance of pens for doodling, for incessant clicking and cap chewing, but the truth is we’re struggling. There’s barely enough pens to sign for the mold inspections of Stone Row. We had a crisis with putting signatures on the newly instated Honors List––not to mention that every administrator needs at least two pens in their breast pocket to maintain the professional standards and prestige of Bard College.
It’s impossible to explain the sheer drain that student body has had on our pen stock. Dozens of pens are lost every hour, and over the years this has added up to a tremendous total. We were never meant to pay for office supplies so impetuously lost between couch cushions or dropped into the caverns of the Free Use store. The College would cease to exist without this $3500 reimbursement. Millennials, it would seem, have lost respect for the power of paper pushing.
However, we are not monsters. Some of you haven’t taken any pens, and for this we are grateful. We are willing to offer a generous $2000 discount on this fee for those that can demonstrate responsibility regarding their inky needs.
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