Hey there Bardvark staff,
Have you ever seen the porn hub videos of people popping ping pong balls at the velocity and speed of light out there... imagine that but somehow cooler?
I know what this horrible temptation sounds like but I promise it has absolutely NOTHING to do with lust. Which makes it worse for some reason, and I know what you all are thinking, "Poopy grApe????!".
If I haven't thought that every time I fight the urge to stick a juicy cold sweet cotton candy grape up my asshole late into the night. I'm sick of looking at grapes and thinking to myself "would my butthole be able to taste the sweet, delicious flavor of this ripe, plump, succulent grape???!".
It's become a problem that I think about daily, should I put a string on it? Will I lose this grape forever in the depths of my bussy?? It's not right!! And that poor poor grape, that lost grape, lost in the ethers forever... a place grapes should never be...
I'm at my last wits end holding a grape in my left in my left hand as I write this to you, so please respond ASAP
Sincerely,
whats pooping gilbert grape
Dear Gilbert,
We have a grape far up our own asses as we write back to you and it feels incredible. Everything you've heard is true.