Hey Bardvark,
I'm goiong ot make this as quick and as clear as I can, for fear of revealing my identity and jeopardizing the lives of myself and those around me. It's going to sound crazy, but I swear it's the truth.
When I came back to my Dingle (A Double-Single Room, like when you're the only person in the room but it can fit two people? So like there are two beds in the room but you're the only person living in it) after Winter Intersession (fancy word for break), everything was fine. But then, as I would go to class and come back, the sheet on the second bed would be all messed up (I keep a sheet on the second bed because I use it as a couch. It's super like... utilitarian but I have a sheet and a blanket and some pillows on there too and I sit on it) like it had been... scuttled in (like not walked on it but had leetol (small) footprints and mess!)!!!!!
Fast forward a couple weeks later (also known as a couple weeks ago like mid-february or something) and I'm sitting on my Bouch (bed but it's a couch) and I see.... A Movement out of the corner of my eye. And there it was.
Freagging Mouse.
At first I was like okay this is a super olf dorm (like SUPER old yk like from the 1800s or something) and whatever, it's okay, it's just one mouse, gonna call him my new roomie (short abbreviation for roommate) !!!!!!! I was eating pretzels so I gave him a pretzel covered with Fig Compote (Like preservatives. Like yk Fig Newtons? Like that but not). He obviously ran away as soon as I tried getting near him but the next morning the pretzel was gone!
Anyway, I've seen him out and about a couple times since then, giving him Fig Compote and banana peels, and we've started to hang out (platonically (WITHOUT romantic OR sexual feelings)). The real issue is what happened just this past weekend. I was getting ready to go to a party a beautifying myself in the mirror (putting on makeup) when I saw his reflection staring at me. Like STARING at me (with eyes). I was like o what's up roomie? Want some 'Pote (Slang (shir language) for Compote)?
And then, with unmistakable clarity and unfortunate familiarity, I heard an English Accent.
"Hello I'm James Corden (of Amazon Prime's Cinderella) and Welcome to the Late Late Show (Late Night talk show that has like carpool karaoke and stuff)"
I swear to god. I swear to god I don't believe in God (non-denominational) but i Swear to god I had this experience. The next fifteen seconds (quarter of a minute) were as if I had telekinesis (psychic ability to move objects); the entire contents of my room (beds included) were thrown in haste at the mouse (if I can even call it that) as I dashed to escape. I admit I haven't been back to my Dingle since.
Whatever shall I do????????? I hope I made this as clear and concise as possible, and maybe (maybe) you could help me!
Hi Writer,
The Bardvark Team as a Whole (All Of Us) have chosen to abstain from interfering against this potential dark force. Good Luck! :)