by Maya Lavender
Hello???? Did you guys not see my INSTAGRAM STORY!!?!??!?!?!??!??!?!?!? My BUTT was on there!!!!! It was covered in a pair of BORROWED lululemon leggings and resting on the countertop of my PARENTS’ bathroom because there’s good LIGHTING in there!!!#! Well apparently you did NOT see it, because the only person who swiped up was my MOM with the little 100 emoji and I think it was a MISTAKE because she also told me to stay out OF her BATHROOM :(((( well my DMs are OPEN and I’m HOT and LONELY and WANT to talk to SOMEONE PLEASE OH MY GOD,. !!!! I keep sitting in my FRONT YARD to see if the forty three year old DIVORCED dad will walk past because he’s the hottest MAN in my entire NEIGHBORHOOD and I KNOW because I RANKED all of my NEIGHBORS and he KNOWS because I sent the LIST to everyone in our NEIGHBORHOOD FACEBOOK GROUP just to STIR up some drama also I think MY mom is mad AT ME because I ranked her TWELFTH on the list and ONLY the top ten GOT a PRIZE!!!$%! Well,, since NONE of you seem to CARE about HOW hot and LONELY AND sexy and BORED and starved of HUMAN touch I am, I have TAKEN to printing my SUPER hot PICS and putting them in MAILBOXES around MY neighborhood…. BUT NOW I have run out of TONER so I cannot PRINT anymore super hot AND sexy pics. SO I will draw SOME for you IDIOT losers here:
Do you SEE????//!? I am so HOT!!!!!!@!%#@! AND NO one CARES except for MY MOM WHO IS MAD I BROKE THE PRINTER APPARENTLY OHHHH MY GOOOOOD someone touch me.